Swimming Pools Filled With Liquor

“Swimming Pools Filled With Liquor”, was inspired by the song, “Swimming Pools” by Kendrick Lamar. This is a 14 x 17 inch piece made from charcoal and pastels on heavy-weight paper. This piece shows an image of a man with his back faced toward the viewer with his head slightly turned to his right shoulder. The man’s head is cut opened from the front of his hairline to the occipital bone. Part of his head is floating above him while the inside of his skull displays a swimming pool. In the center of this pool is a miniature version of himself in the same position as his larger self but he is holding a gun to his head. To the left and the right side of the larger version of this man are two arms stretched out above him pouring bottles of alcohol into the swimming pool. This piece shows light and dark liquor being mixed together at a fast pace. The large version of himself also has a bullet wound on the right side of his face. All of this is being displayed in front of a plain black background.

This piece tells a story about a man with depression and how the negative effects of alcohol has driven him to the point of suicide. Although, the decision to drink was not entirely his own as it was the people around him who pushed him to drink that lead to his downfall. I made this piece because I know that this could’ve been my fate years ago. In 2018, my first love passed away and her death was something that weighed heavy on my soul. It lead me to some very dark places as I had lost my faith in God and departed from Him because I couldn’t understand why he would allow such a lovely person who meant so much to me die. I grieved for multiple years but during that first year I was surrounded by people who encouraged me to drink away my sorrow. I had given up drinking as well as smoking years before this because my first love asked me to. She really disliked the fact that I would smoke and drink because of her past relationships; so I respected her wishes, although I took me a little while to stop. My friends and even some family member encouraged me to drink as if it was the prescription to fix a broken heart. I know they meant well and they were just trying to help, but I think if I had started drinking in that moment I would have killed myself. I’ve had suicidal thoughts since I was nine years old and I had always told myself that I would never do it because I had a passion inside me to prove that there’s some value behind my life. I had to prove to myself that I wasn’t a mistake. I told myself that I would accomplish something so great that it would obliterate all of my failures.

My drive and desire to become something more has kept me alive. However, this has not been the case for a lot of people. I look around at friends, family and even strangers, and watch as they continuously drink until they become numb while wishing to die… and some do. This piece is meant to encourage others not to drink, or at least for this purpose. No one has to accept the bottle that’s being offered to them as there is so much more to life. Although pain, suffering, confusion, and grief exist in this world I would never encourage anyone to drink their life away or take their own life because in truth nobody really wants to die. People can change, circumstances can change, and all pain will eventually subside.

My work has changed a lot throughout these past few years. I have improved on so many levels but there are also things that I feel like I’ve lost. My work used to be so surreal in terms of my creativity. It was chaotic but it told a story, as every inch of my pieces contained something that contributed to the story. While my current pieces contain simpler subjects that still tell a story but in a more controlled way. Somehow my work now says more with less, and I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. I don’t know which direction to take my artwork in. The work I’ve done throughout 2025 has been inspired by the art style of Caravaggio and this year I am going to study the style of another artist and what I can learn from them. Perhaps this is the reason why my work has changed so much and perhaps my work will change in other ways as I continue to learn from the artists that have come before me.

This piece makes me think about the past and the way I used to be, the people I’ve left behind and the people I have now. I want to be better. I don’t want to go back to being the kid who thought he was a mistake and who did whatever to feel accepted by others. I am 25 years old and I still feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I no longer do things to impress others or work hard to make people think that they need me around. Instead, I am tirelessly working to fulfill a purpose that I have no clue what it even looks like. I am sowing seeds without knowing if I will ever get to enjoy the fruits of my labor. I reckon that I will die before my dream will become fulfilled. I don’t know if I am in a better spot than I was before, but I have re-established my relationship with God so I am confident that I am going the right way. However, I still have this gut feeling that I was just never meant to be here. I am alone, and perhaps this just reflects where I’m at spiritually. I can’t see the plans God has for me so I’m lost and confused. All I know is that I have to keep going. I have to push myself more than ever to fulfill a purpose that was placed in my heart.

I believe this piece showcases a truth about how we as humans live our lives. Whether it’s alcohol, drugs, money, religion, family, pleasure, power, or even a sense of purpose we all have to be drunk on something in order to keep going. Although I don’t drink anymore, perhaps I am still killing myself by working myself to death. I still don’t encourage anyone to drink, but maybe I just replaced a bottle with something else that drowns my sorrow. There’s no doubt that making art is my greatest outlet so I can’t say that its a bad thing. However, I know that the path to true happiness is found in God. So I sincerely encourage people to replace that thing that is leading them towards death with Jesus for everything else is truly meaningless.